Vanishing Chirstmas Night

There are a lot of Hollywood movies about love between family members. Christmas night when happy family members sit around and open up the presents with a huge Christmas tree was the typical figure of American family for me. Since Americans then to be friendly to everybody, I thought it was supposed to much more than just friendly among family members. However, when I heard that most young adults are eager to be independent from their parents, my fantasy was broken, and I finally realized that Korean family culture has more virtue than what is found in the typical American family.

            One big difference between Korean family culture and American family culture is idea of living with parents. Around fifty-percent of young adults of Korea live with their parents, and, in many cases, it goes on until their parents pass away. They don’t feel ashamed of it because they are aware of values that they can gain through their parents even after living with them for twenty years. As they have learned love and respect, they inherit a unique perception of life from their parents. Unfortunately, there are also cases that Korean young adults move out from their house because of certain circumstances such as university or career issues. Nevertheless, they try their best to keep strong bond with family by frequent calls and visits. On the other hand, most American high school students plan to move out from their house at the moment of graduation. I even have an American friend who made a college decision in a way that he could avoid living with his parents. I accept the truth that once people are far away from their parents, they become mature adults as I became much stronger person after leaving my warm family in Korea. People might be able to acquire knowledge about how to survive in this world by being independent, but we won’t be able to learn wisdom, which is given only to the elders for a sagacious life.

            Another glue for Korean families is holidays. Two main holidays are New Year’s Day and Korean Thanksgiving day. Normally, these holidays give the typical Korean family a week to gather. In this period, cars going to their hometown on the highway expect to get trapped in traffic jams, yet people in the cars are excited to see their families. On New Year’s Day, the main event is Sea-Bea, which is a deep bow of the younger for the elder. The elders give their descendants great words of blessing after Sea-Bea. In addition in middle of the year, family members have a chance to assemble; the chance is Thanksgiving Day. During this time, we make authentic rice cake called Song-Peion. All family members sit around a circle and make Song-Peion together with hours of chatting. These are the joyful moments that we cannot share with anyone other than family. Unlike Korean holidays, American’s holidays are more flexible especially for the young. They could either visit their parents for a part of long holiday off or spend days with their friends. If they miss the chance to visit, it is no misfortune for them.

       

            I had lived with two different host families since coming to the U.S. The first host family consisted of the mother, the father and three high school daughters. For six month that I was with them, I had never seen them make an effort to be together. They were in the same house, but each of them lived different lives. The second family was not a “family”. There was just a host mother who had her son and daughter far away. I barely remember their faces because there were very few chances to see them. It let me down that the country I have revered has lost the most beautiful values in human live. It is as if I’m in the restaurant that I’ve always wanted to go, and I find out that its menu is missing my favorite food. The Christmas night common in Hollywood movies is not real for every American. It was fantasy I had about them. 

            Just the word family itself makes me comfortable. My body is half away around of earth from my family, but my heart never leaves them. I talk with them face to face through the Internet program at least once a week. Even though I have my close friends here, none of them could embrace me as my family does. Sometimes I wonder that how Americans are filling the empty space of family. Mother and daughter talks, father and son talks, and special bonds between siblings cannot be exchanged with anything in the world. I hope one day my American friends will realize the precious nature of family.