Vanishing Chirstmas Night

There are a lot of Hollywood movies about love between family members. Christmas night when happy family members sit around and open up the presents with a huge Christmas tree was the typical figure of American family for me. Since Americans then to be friendly to everybody, I thought it was supposed to much more than just friendly among family members. However, when I heard that most young adults are eager to be independent from their parents, my fantasy was broken, and I finally realized that Korean family culture has more virtue than what is found in the typical American family.

            One big difference between Korean family culture and American family culture is idea of living with parents. Around fifty-percent of young adults of Korea live with their parents, and, in many cases, it goes on until their parents pass away. They don’t feel ashamed of it because they are aware of values that they can gain through their parents even after living with them for twenty years. As they have learned love and respect, they inherit a unique perception of life from their parents. Unfortunately, there are also cases that Korean young adults move out from their house because of certain circumstances such as university or career issues. Nevertheless, they try their best to keep strong bond with family by frequent calls and visits. On the other hand, most American high school students plan to move out from their house at the moment of graduation. I even have an American friend who made a college decision in a way that he could avoid living with his parents. I accept the truth that once people are far away from their parents, they become mature adults as I became much stronger person after leaving my warm family in Korea. People might be able to acquire knowledge about how to survive in this world by being independent, but we won’t be able to learn wisdom, which is given only to the elders for a sagacious life.

            Another glue for Korean families is holidays. Two main holidays are New Year’s Day and Korean Thanksgiving day. Normally, these holidays give the typical Korean family a week to gather. In this period, cars going to their hometown on the highway expect to get trapped in traffic jams, yet people in the cars are excited to see their families. On New Year’s Day, the main event is Sea-Bea, which is a deep bow of the younger for the elder. The elders give their descendants great words of blessing after Sea-Bea. In addition in middle of the year, family members have a chance to assemble; the chance is Thanksgiving Day. During this time, we make authentic rice cake called Song-Peion. All family members sit around a circle and make Song-Peion together with hours of chatting. These are the joyful moments that we cannot share with anyone other than family. Unlike Korean holidays, American’s holidays are more flexible especially for the young. They could either visit their parents for a part of long holiday off or spend days with their friends. If they miss the chance to visit, it is no misfortune for them.

       

            I had lived with two different host families since coming to the U.S. The first host family consisted of the mother, the father and three high school daughters. For six month that I was with them, I had never seen them make an effort to be together. They were in the same house, but each of them lived different lives. The second family was not a “family”. There was just a host mother who had her son and daughter far away. I barely remember their faces because there were very few chances to see them. It let me down that the country I have revered has lost the most beautiful values in human live. It is as if I’m in the restaurant that I’ve always wanted to go, and I find out that its menu is missing my favorite food. The Christmas night common in Hollywood movies is not real for every American. It was fantasy I had about them. 

            Just the word family itself makes me comfortable. My body is half away around of earth from my family, but my heart never leaves them. I talk with them face to face through the Internet program at least once a week. Even though I have my close friends here, none of them could embrace me as my family does. Sometimes I wonder that how Americans are filling the empty space of family. Mother and daughter talks, father and son talks, and special bonds between siblings cannot be exchanged with anything in the world. I hope one day my American friends will realize the precious nature of family.

Forgetting Quickly

Forgetting Quickly

             Family unity and respect are lost in America. When I was living in Mexico, the most important thing was my family. The respect for the family was so big. Children really need to watch out how they talk to their parents back home. It is not acceptable to yell at parents in front of the strange people. In the US people do not have too much respect to the family. In US, the day people is born parents teach them to be independent. On the other hand, in Mexico the day people is born their parents just teach them to never leave them. It is as if children owe their lives to their parents. The weekend reunions, the family unity and the respect for the family were lost when I arrived to the US, which sometimes makes me feel disappointed and lost.

                    The reunions on the weekend with my family were the best. Every weekend, my family gathered to do something different. Some weekends, we just visited our grandparents or drove four hours and went to the beach.  In Chicago, all my family workes all week and more on the weekend because in this city, it is more difficult to earn the money and that means more work. In Mexico, does not matter if we had too many or no money we just worked, Monday to Friday, in the weekends we were always for the family. However, not just the work limits the reunions, but the American lifestyle too. I have always learned that in US is so different about gathering with the family, and because of that, our family reunions stopped. In addition, when we tried to gather my brother and sister just said it is an old Mexican tradition. They just wanted to assimilate to the American life. However, that made me sad because they could live the American life without forgetting our Mexican tradition.

            The reunions were important, but the family unity is more important to me.  I do not know what the US had, but instantly when we arrived, it was as if the unity disappeared.  When I was in Mexico, the unity was so strong in my family. When some member had some difficulty, our family always helped us. That part of my culture it is the most important because is what made me a Mexican person. I remember one time when I had a problem, the only thing I needed after that bad moment was my family. When I tried to call them, they were so busy in their American life forgetting how in Mexico, we always called each other and we always had time for each other. I really do not know why the family unity is losing, but the only logical answers I found was that we tried to adapt to the new life and because in this country it is so different that we just forget about our strong unity.

         

       Respecting my parents and the elder people were my biggest tradition in Mexico.  In Mexico, the parents teach their children that the respecting family or  another person is the most important thing in the world. “If you respect your elders you will have everything in your life, and you will be powerful.” My parents always said. However, like every child my siblings and I talked bad to our parents when we were young, but the way our parents’ taught us is sweet as if angels sang.  In spite of this, when I arrived to the US, I saw that some teenagers do not respect their parents. I saw how they yell at their parents and did not care if an other person witnessed it. I do not know what is happening to me, but now sometimes I yell at my mother and sister and I did not respect my family, things that I never did in Mexico. I do not know why I do it, but the only explanation I found is because I am surrounded by American culture.  I know that is not an answer, and it made me feel bad that I am lost the only thing that I really love from my culture respect the family.

                 The family is the most important thing for me and unfortunately it is getting lost in translation. I really miss the way I used to live with my family.  However, I understand that in Chicago life is different and I am just trying to adapt to a new culture, but trying to do not disrespect my family. Maybe I cannot attend the reunions so often, visit my grandparents or go to the beach, but I can try to do something different with my family.

              

Venture Capital

                When I meet people for the first time in the U.S, the conversation always starts with my school, my hometown and my family.  One of the most frequently asked questions is: “Do you have any brothers or sisters?”  Nearly all my American friends have at least one brother or sister in their family, so they can hardly imagine being the only child at home. Because of the huge population in China, all the families in China are only allowed to have one child, which for parents means they have to put all their expectations on the only child they have. Thus, a lot of Chinese parents push their kids very hard and sometimes give them overcommitted stress. My parents are just one example of those parents. When I was a kid, I felt the pressure was so unbearable and averse to what my parents wanted me to do. However, I realize what they did has benefited me so much that I should feel thankful.

              Whenever I tell my American friends about the one child policy, they always look surprised and curious. Because most of people in the U.S.  have never heard about this policy, I would tell them the whole story. During the Second World War, especially the war against the Japanese invasion, China lost a huge amount of the male population in the country. So after the war, they barely had any men left to rebuild the country, that’s when Chairman Mao encouraged all the families in China to have as many babies as they could to reboot the population and help the country recover from the war. However, after about twenty years, China started to be so over-populated. The government then realized that it was time to control the population, and soon, the one child policy came out.

              Even though my parents preferred to have more kids, they couldn’t go against the mandatory one child policy. I was destined not to have any siblings. As the only child in the family, I started to feel the intense pressure since I started school when I was six.  My parents had very high expectations since I was the only child they could put their expectation on, all the pressure came to me. After I began my high school, which is the most prestigious school that had about nine hundred students at my grade in my hometown, my parents wanted me to be the top ten percent for every exam in each subject.  That meant I spent all of my time studying. Every week after my school, I had to attend extra classes like math, physics and chemistry. Besides, my mom wished I could be a concert pianist one day. That’s the reason why I started learning piano when I was ten. Both my school and my piano classes made me feel like a guitar string which was about to break anytime.

              Although my childhood was quite miserable because of the constant studying, I’m still grateful to my parents for what they did to prepare me to be a successful person. They spent almost all their savings on my education, which seems very incredible in the U.S. In the U.S, some kids leave home and start working part time to support themselves after they turned sixteen.  Since in China all kids spend their time studying, they can hardly have time to do any kind of jobs, so parents are the only source to fund their education. Some of my friends who also want to learn instruments performance or study abroad, but their family just cannot afford the expense. Therefore, they have to either give up their dreams or try extremely hard to find a way to make it.  I feel lucky that I have such a nice family that can pay for my extra classes, my expensive piano lessons and all the fees related to studying abroad. 

               It’s not easy to be the only child in the family. I have had to work really hard to meet my parents’ expectations. If I’m successful, my parents will feel so proud and they will feel successful too, but if I fail to be the person they wished me to be, they lose everything. All their hope would be gone. However, I get all my parents’ attention and love. They spend all their love and money solely on me so that I can have better education and a better life. I’m the only stock they invested in, and they are the only stockholder I have. I believe the stock performance will get closer and closer to their expectation if I keep working hard!

Missed Night Life

Nowadays, night activities are one of the most popular things that younger generation is concerned about. When I was in China, my favorite place that I wanted to hang out with friends was bar drinking and having fun, especially on some big festival days or some meaningful days. Going to a bar gradually became a personal habit, I used to go to bars three times a month, and sometimes I would go there right after work with friends. We talked about different things and time always passed quickly when I was in a bar with my friends. Although I am living in the third biggest city in the U.S, Chicago, sometime it is difficult to find a nice place and have a good time with a few of close friends on those special days. Chicago has a good night lift, but I prefer to spend my nights in a bar in China.

Because of the drinking age law, it is not easy to hang out with everyone in a bar or nightclub. In the U.S, there is no way to go to a bar without a state ID, which can show the person is above twenty-one. The legal drinking age in the U.S is twenty-one, so is the legal age for consuming in bars. Unlike in China, as long as a person eighteen years old, he or she has right to go any place for entertainment. In Chicago, any time the youths want to go a bar on some special days, the first thing that we have to think about is who under twenty-one years old. If we do have a friend who is under twenty-one, we will be so disappointed and have to find somewhere else to go. Because of the drinking age problem, it makes me go to bars less and less.

The environment of the bars in Chicago also makes me uncomfortable. Every bar and nightclub has big guys who serve as security. Every time I go to the bar, the bouncer gives me a feeling that the bar could be quite dangerous, there like I am going to a place that deals with gangsters. In China, the security in the bar is not as big or fierce as the bouncers in the U.S. They normally do not give people so much anxiety. In some cases, I do not like the music that broadcasts in Chicago although people say that listening music without county boundary. The music that broadcasts in China is understandable, meaningful and gentle. It always makes me feel relaxed and lets me decompress. On the other hand, there always play rock music in bars in Chicago. The biggest problem for me is the music volume is too loud. When I talk to my friends, I need to increase my volume, as if I am quarreling with them.

The consuming condition of going to a bar is different between in China and Chicago. For instance, the price of consuming alcohol in Chicago’s nightclub is much more expensive than in China. I used to spend less than one hundred dollars for ten people for the entire night. In Chicago, although we like to split the bill, we still have to spend more than fifty dollars per person. In addition, Chicago does not have nightclubs that stay open twenty-four hours. In China, we usually go out at 9 or 10P.M until 4 or 5 A.M in the morning. Unlike Chicago, before 2A.M the bouncer kicks everybody out of the nightclub. It is hard to limit our fun to 2A.M, two o’clock in the morning always cannot be sufficient. Even though there are some obstacles to my evening entertainment, such as condition and atmosphere issue, we still can have fun with each other on special days. As long as I live in Chicago, I have to blend into this big melting pot and to deal with the nuances of this city. I wish to go back to China for vacation coming soon and have fun with my own night life style.

                                                         The  Loss  of  Eating  Habits

   There is a saying, “ Our life is made of eating, clothing and living and going out.”  Eating is the first thing in our life, and people can treat it as the most important thing.  Sometimes eating is not simple for filling an appetite. Some people use eating as an outlet when they are sad or angry. For me, eating was for my appetite and joy for most of my life , but this thought changed when my eating habits were transformed in America because of tableware, the type of food and the environment.

     The first obstacle is the tableware when living in a new country. The different life style results in a changed habit. In China, I always chose the chopsticks to have a meal. Different from chopsticks, forks are widely used in western countries. Even though fork is easier to use than chopsticks, I prefer my two chopsticks. Because I have followed the custom for almost twenty years, I think I am Chinese inside even if I reside in the U.S. Using the goods that are from my own country gives me confidence, which is homelike. At home, I keep this habit with my parents and feel comfortable. The relaxed emotion will promote and increase my appetite. 

  In addition to tableware factor, the American food makes me feel sad. Every national food have their own tastes and most people like their national flavor. However, I do not favor American tastes. Sometimes they taste strange for me and I cannot accept. When the people eat the food they like, they will have a better appetite and more satisfaction. What is more, the typical American fast food include hamburger, chips and coke. Compared to the multifarious Chinese food, it is simple and I have no choice. I hate most of my options, but I still eat them to fill my stomach most of the time.

   Another aspect of the loss of eating habits is the environment. When I was young, I saw a story that was about a mother that moved three times to make a good environment so that her child could study hard. As a result, the environment sometimes can affect the people’s thoughts gradually. Since I moved to America two years ago, I find I have become lazy. The lack of the family members has created a loss of interest in cooking. When I am alone, fast food is the best choice. Sitting in restaurant like McDonald’ s , I watch the busy people who are rushed to leave. The atmosphere and feeling make me eat as quickly as quickly, which leads me to lack of the enjoyment for the process of eating. 

     Hence, the three factors of tableware, the type of food and the environment compose the reason of why I do not feast on the food since I immigrated to the U.S.  These changes make me really miss the way I used to eat at home in China.  It is an tragedy, but I think I will live like this way for a long time. Unfortunately, it is much easier to eat the way other Americans eat, for it is convenient. I do not know how long I can maintain this condition. Maybe my taste and ideas will change in the future.

K Pop

K Pop

K Pop was half of my life. When I lived in Korea K Pop not only gives me memories of my young age, but it has also formed my identity because sometimes I feel lost in the world. K pop lyrics talks about love, parents and humor, but most lyrics are about love. Since I was young, I have always listened to K Pop. I listen to the music while I’m walking on the street, riding a train, a bus, or in a taxi. Since I came to Chicago, however, I keep losing certain things from my mind. When I listen to K pop I feel as if I were home again, I feel less lonely and I remember my youth. I am lost in memories.

When I was in Korea, I could listen to K Pop everywhere, but in Chicago that is very difficult. When I was a student, I wanted to listen to famous dance music. Sometimes I wanted to listen to ballad a song which is easy because most Korean songs talk about love. While I was walking on the street, shopping or hanging out with friends on the bar, I could listen to K Pop anytime.  For example, when I was eighteen, I broke up with my first boyfriend. I really needed to listen to something that comforted me. One day after we broke up, I was walking on the street I turned up the music for a song named Who Hae Neun Up So- Never Regret. The lyrics made tears well up in my eyes. Suddenly my eyes were a flood of tears. Later I heard some songs that were about another love, but I felt bad in a different way. Even though the songs’ stories were not same as my situation, I just would feel bad. However, in Chicago I cannot listen to K Pop everywhere. I can only listen to K Pop in specific places like a Korean restaurant, a bar or a market. In addition, American music not only talks about the love but also talks about the politics, the economy and sex. Since I do not like music about politics, economics or sex, sometimes I feel lost or in a musical void.

When I was in Korea I enjoyed the music festival a lot, but in Chicago that is very difficult. My friend and I often skipped class because we I really wanted to go there since we heard about the festival. We went to the Hae Woon Dae beach, which was the place the festival was held. At that time, we were lucky because we sat in the third row from the stage. I was able to see the singers’ faces. My favorite singer was Choi Gwong Chang Min, who was really handsome. After the festival, we talked about it for three days because we were glad to see the singers. However, in Chicago I don’t want to go to the music festivals because the music is so different from the music I loved in Korea. I know some American singers and songs, but I cannot be enthusiastic about American audiences.

Even though I can listen to K Pop in Chicago, the mood of the music is different than when I listen to K Pop in Korea. I can understand all of Korean lyrics if I listen to any kind of music the first time because I can concentrate on them. However, American songs are hard to understand the first time because when they sing too fast, I can’t get it at all. It is also really difficult to understand when Americans talk about the top ten chart songs because I don’t know the story of the song exactly. Now Koreans are fanatical about Oppan Gang Nam Style by PSY. All of his songs are really good because intense his lyrics are easier to understand than many of the lyrics in the U.S.  Many times I watch his performance on You Tube. He performed in Yeo Su Expo and the audiences were absorbed in his music and more involved about this performance and music. I really wanted to be there, but I couldn’t. I thought that if I was there, I would be elated. I wanted to listen to his music through FM ratio, not through the MP3. As long as I’m in Chicago, the learning of K pop will have a deep meaning in love.

Definitely miss everything about my country. Sometimes I get home sick. When I stay in the bed or before I sleep, I have been thinking about my family and friends. In addition, I imagine my first boyfriend, music festival and the mood. However, while I’m living in Chicago, I always try to harmonize with Chicagoans. When I listen to K Pop I remember when I was young.

Lost in America

America is a place where a person can find out all kinds of ways to get success, and it is a fair country. If a person works hard, he will be paid off. That is why there are thousands of immigrants who come from all over the world come to America. However, China and the United States are an opposite of the world geographically and culture.  China has five thousand years history, so its culture is a mystery and profound. The United States melt a lot of countries culture, thus its culture is very interesting. In a word, even though they have all kinds of differences, both of them have fantastic culture, but as a new immigrant is very difficult to adjust it, like language, food, and celebration of the holidays.

Language is the most important part of the communication because if I can’t understand others’ language, I will be afraid to talk to them. A new immigrant will feel helpless. I felt extremely uncomfortable in my first week in the United States. Everything was unfamiliar. Everybody spoke English that I couldn’t even understand one word. Even though my father has been in America for ten years, he can’t speak English. Once, my family went to beach together. We had great time until we felt hungry. There was only one grocery market we could find near the beach. However, none of us could speak English. My father asked me to buy some food to feed the whole family, and it ended up a horrible experience that I will never forget. I went into the shop and looked for some bread. Unluckily, I couldn’t find a slice of bread.  I walked listlessly. Suddenly, there were some familiar things in front of me. Yeah! It was instant noodles. I grabbed four boxes of the instant noodles, and checked them out immediately. “How could we eat that without hot water?” I muttered to myself. I needed to ask for some water, but how could I communicate to them without English. I just opened the boxes, and then said “water” to a clerk. He was so nice and smart. He helped me out right away. I ran out the shop as soon as possible. I felt embarrassed, and I promised I would never go into that shop forever. As a new immigrant, the language is their major obstacle.

Moreover, food is very important to people’s life, but since I came to America I felt so sad because it is very hard to find authentic Chinese food. There are thousands of varieties of Chinese cuisine. Some of them lose have taste in America. For example, “shuizhuhuoyu” is my most favorite dish. In China, I often went out with my friends to have it. It is cooked with fresh whole fish in China. However, in America, I can’t find a restaurant prepare it well. They all cook with boneless fish. Although it will be easy to eat, it loses originality. One time, I really wanted to have it, so my mother particularly went to the Chinese grocery shop to buy the fish. Then she went home to cook it by herself. Finally, I had the original “shuizhuhuoyu”.  It tastes awesome. Although there are a lot of Chinese restaurants near my house, I don’t like them. Also, some of the traditional food you can’t find in the Chinese restaurant, like “Zhongzi” which is a food we make it in the “duanwu” festival. Many people call it rice dumpling. It is very delicious, but I can’t find it in Chicago. This year, when the Duanwu festival was coming, my mother wanted to make the zhongzi by herself. However, it was very hard to find the ingredients. In the end, she gave up. It is so sad that the immigrants who come to America experience the same flavors.

In addition, the traditional festivals are disappearing in the United States, like Duanwu Festival, Mid-Autumn Festival, Spring Festival, and I can’t take part in the America’s traditional festival. In China, they are activities for each festival. In the Duanwu Festival, Chinese eat “Zhongzi” (rice dumpling). Every family makes “zhongzi” by themselves. Then we go to watch the dragon boat competition in the afternoon. In the Mid-Autumn Festival, Chinese eat the moon cake, and then the family members sit together and chat. It is a festival like America’s Thanksgiving Day. Spring Festival is a big holiday in China. Everyone prepares abundant food in that day. The seniors will give the children an envelope that signifies have more happiness in next year. However, Chinese people work so hard in America, so they don’t have time to make “zhongzi”, “moon cake”. Nor do they really celebrate the festivals. Most of them just go to the restaurant to have a dinner with their family. Some of them live in other states, so they just call each other to say happy holidays. That’s it. It is so sad. Meanwhile, I don’t know how to celebrate the American’s traditional festival, like Thanksgivings Day. Most of Americans have turkey in that day. I had never seen the turkey before I came in to America. At first, I was so excited, and I bought a smoked turkey wings in a market. When I got home, I couldn’t wait to have it. However, I realized preferred chicken. In a word, I felt so sad because not only I can’t celebrate my traditional Chinese festivals, but also I can’t blend into American’s festivals.

The United States is a wonderful place, and people can do everything we want to do. It is a free place. However, it is hard to be an immigrant. All immigrants need to adapt. They should learn English, and so they can communicate with more Americans. They can acknowledge more the American’s culture. Maybe one day they will melt into the America. They can celebrate the American’s traditional festivals, and they have turkey in the Thanksgivings Day. While all this may be true, I don’t want to lose my Chinese traditional.